Bill's Guide to Girls

  • Wear as many rings as possible. (This denotes affluence).

  • Always carry a spare handkerchief. (Unexpected messes can put some girls off).

  • Think of something clever to say at every opportunity.

  • Drink a lot to calm your nerves.

  • Don't trim ear or nose hair as this can be a turn-on for some girls.

  • Sweat a lot if you can - if you can't, it doesn't matter.

  • Buy a good book on the subject. (I can't think of one at the minute, but there must be one).

  • Pick your moment. Pub closing time is always good as most unattached females are getting a bit desperate by then.

  • Dress in the latest style - shell suits are big now of course. (Well mine is).

  • Put your own idea in this slot. (And let me know what it is by Friday if you can).


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